Dear College..

I think we need to talk, but as I can’t bear to look at you right now I think a letter will have to do.
Our on/off relationship started many years ago when we were both young and possible naive. Back then I used to see you every day, you were my life. You even let me leave my stuff at your place and stay late into the night. We had lots of friends, many are still friends today, we used to laugh, joke, play; along with the more serious stuff. You encouraged me to take risks; you encouraged me to move on to bigger things. I have never felt more supported and important than I did back in those early days. I’m not saying it was easy and things weren’t always the best between us, but you were always there letting me do things my way, trusting that it would be OK in the end.
And then we broke up, we knew it would happen -it was time for us both to move on.
Then a few years later, we drifted back together. Not as intense this time, I only saw you once or twice a week. We soon fell back into the old routine, you teaching, and me learning. It was like the old times. We made friends, we laughed, we joked, and we learnt new things about each other. I learnt some fantastic skills and new techniques that will stay with me forever, you inspired me.
And then we broke up again, I felt that you didn’t have anything left to give me. You were still committed to me, but I wanted something new. I started seeing other colleges and other classrooms. They helped me see where I needed to go; I just didn’t know how to get there.
And then a chance meeting with you, “I can help you, I can show you the way” you said. And so feeling safe and familiar, I followed you.
In the beginning, it was like the old days, fun, laughter, and learning. I wanted it to be like it was before, with the support and the family feel, everyone looking out for each other and helping each other to reach our goals. It soon became apparent that things were not going to be how I hoped. I didn’t see you as much and you didn’t want me leaving my stuff at your place. I didn’t feel a part of what was happening; very much playing second fiddle to someone else....there was someone or something else in our relationship. I began to feel uneasy, unsure of my decision to come back to you. I had changed and so had you. You have taught me a lot in these last two and a bit years, things that I can take forward and build on. You have changed my views on many things. I will always be grateful for that, but I am not sure how much more you can give and how much more I want to take. I think I don’t respect you anymore, you have disappointed me.
And so we are here, with me not wanting to see you anymore. Can we get back to what we once had or is it just too late?
Love xx

New Beginnings....

So today I have started some new beginnings......updated my website, started this blog (finally!!) and started to seriously think about where I am going with all this "art stuff".

I beginning to think that life is too short to just be ticking boxes and making sure that something fits the criteria...who makes the criteria anyway?? Shouldn't it be me???
When something has so bitterly disappointed you and let you down, shouldn't you just let it go and move on??
Do you need a "bit of paper" to prove you are an artist??

Lots of questions, now I need to ponder on the answers..

xxx